Thankful.

The reason for this post is because I just found out that a good childhood friend of my sister, gave birth to a stillborn some months back. All of the emotions of the past four years are flooding back.

If you were to ask me three years ago if I was going to have children, I would have responded automatically with "absolutely", but inside I was screaming "Yeah right, you make it sound so easy!" Before I was blessed to become pregnant with Preston, Steve and I had been trying for three years to get pregnant. After 2 miscarriages, and one D & C, I was able to get pregnant after two months of being on Clomid. The blessings didn't stop there. My pregnancy went great, my labor and delivery went perfect. I was able to give birth the way I always wanted, natural. Preston was born, and not only born, but he was born healthy. I truly know how fortunate I am. TOO many times mothers loose their babies, either early on in the pregnancy, during the middle of the pregnancy, or they have stillborns. Or, if they don't loose their babies, the sweet little ones are born and there is just complication after complication. My heart goes out to all of you out there that are in one way or another struggling with pregnancy, or the loss of a newborn/child.

There are two MAJOR things that I learned while going through this particular trial..
1. It was for my benefit! I learned to trust my Heavenly Father. I learned to rely on Heavenly Father to take away the pain that I felt daily. Going through this particular trial helped me realize how strong I am (with the unconditional help from my Heavenly Father)

2.There is a plan for everyone! Everything happens for a reason, nothing is by chance. A friend brought some perspective to my trial before I got pregnant. She said that yes, there is a plan for me, but what about for my children? There is a plan for them too. I had never thought of it that way. EVERYONE has a plan, a specific plan.

I know that my trials aren't over. Am I scared to death that I won't be able to get pregnant again, or that it might take another 3+ years? Yes. Am I scared to death that my next pregnancies won't go as smoothly as Preston's? Yes, but because of the things I have had to go through, and the things that I have learned, I have HOPE! Things will work out how they are supposed to. I am also so thankful for the testimony that I have that families are forever and that WE WILL see our loved ones again. Without this knowledge, I would not be able to be so positive about the future.

I can't kiss Preston enough. I can't hold him enough. I just can't get enough. I know that I am blessed to have these feelings because there are too many out there who haven't exprienced these feelings. I was asked a couple days ago.."so what do you do all day?" I was holding Preston at the time, and said "this". I was given a look of "your kidding right?" and then the person said "really? that's it?" I smiled SO BIG and said "absolutely!" If they only knew how truly content I was, and how TRULY happy I was to even be able to say that!!

I can not express how much admiration I have for all the women out there (and the men in their lives) that have had, or are going through this same thing. It amazes me what it takes to even be able to get pregnant, but the miracle doesn't stop there. It amazes me what it takes to have these sweet spirits come to earth. It amazes me what we have to go through, but again, I know that everything happens for a reason and that there is a plan. For this, I am thankful.